Yep, that is me... Straight Shootin, never will bullshit you in any way. I do not sugar coat anything. I often warn people when they ask for my opinion... I will always tell you the truth. I also know when to keep my mouth shut. That has more of an affect on others than blabbing away about a situation that they are trying to convince you of...
My blog today is a letter to Jeff:
Dear Jeff,
The hardest thing I have ever done was to live when all I wanted to do was die. I never once thought you walking into the condo would be the last time I heard your voice, or when you said " I love you " I never once thought it would be the last " I love you ". I never thought that the last things we did would be the last of my existence as I knew it. Never, ever, ever, did I think that you would not be here. I miss your face. I looked at that face for almost 19 years. You gave me the reassurance to be the strong, independent woman and mother I am today. I know you are watching over us. I ran across this picture of you and Noland at Thanksgiving, the month almost to the date before you left us in the physical world. That was a good day. I try very hard to not live in the " what happened " to us, but to live in the " what would make you proud of us ". It is so hard some days. I think I do really well for a while, then the missing you and the kids missing you just kind of takes over and I can't help it. You lived your life with every fiber of your being. I hope I carry that message around about you. I know that you have directed me and guided me into my relationship with Josh and his kiddies. You would love the girls and Jaycob is so silly...So, I can't die before I am dead;. I am blessed with new family and an amazing man.. You would totally love him. The Holidays are bittersweet. I feel more grounded now and I think that after a couple of years we might actually enjoy this holiday season. I will love always and miss you terribly. I will continue to show love the way you taught me to love.. Be there for us and watch over us...
Love,
MC
My reasons for smiling. I was moving pics off the laptop and saw this pic. These kids have no idea how they make my heart pitter patter... I just love them... For all their individuality and their ability to love me back. I am very grateful to have them all... I miss my Big or rather grown and big boys too.
Wow... And you... Josh... You just amaze me over and over again... I am almost not able to put into words how much I love you. Our home and love is unbreakable. It is built on the most solid foundation. I know we were both terrified going into this, but man what an amazing ride so far and I can not wait for many many many adventures with you... You love me and what has made me who I am today. You continue to help me celebrate Jeff and find ways to keep his spirit alive for the boys. You are amazing and I do not know what I did to deserve you, so I am gonna have to go with Jeff planting you in my life... That's the only way we got together... I can not wait to be your wife... I love you !!!
Me shooting the 12 gauge... Had a blast !!!!
The boys Thanksgiving Lunch this year !!! New memories, not forgetting the old ones, just adding to them.
Love the one you are with, always say I love you... Never take time for granted... You can't get it back... Much love from us !!
Gobble Gobble !!!
The Gang of H's and the Ptaks !!!
