MY HEART SHATTERED THIS MORNING....

 

 

 

This blog won't be long... Just need to get this out of my head.  We have wondered about Nick reacting to Jeff's passing.  He has said he knows where Jeff is and that he understands that Jeff is not coming home...  His short term memory played hell for the first two weeks with him not retaining the information... However, after that first two weeks it seemed as though he " got " it... 

 

 

 

This morning Nick started early, around 4:30 a.m. just being Nick.  Obsessing over finding a $5.00 bill.  Not sure why, we don't challenge these things, but he was not successful so he was beginning to head toward the meltdown zone...  I got onto him for acting out and tried to deal with the situation as best as I could.  It was about 6:45 a.m.  So you can imagine my patience level was beginning to warp a bit.  He was beginning to become a little bit complacent and cooperative and all of the sudden he just begins to cry... Really cry... tears and all.  This is unusual, Nick whines like most kids, but real gut wrenching crying is not common for him.  I went to put my arms around him and thought he was just tired and surrendering was having an unusual effect on him and he just collapsed in my arms...  Crying louder and louder, limp, all I could understand was " I JUST WANT MY DADDY, I DIDN'T WANT MY DADDY TO DIE.... WHHHYYYYYYYY????? " 

 

 

 

I tried to just hold him and comfort him.  We got through it, but it was an eye opener for me.  He does understand and have feelings about what is going on and that he is upset over it.  I had wondered... Wish I did not have to find out that way, but now we know and hopefully I can now help him through it

 

 

 

Once we are armed with knowledge, we don't need anything else.  Knowledge is power.  It can be as simple as researching a disease, or just knowing what your children are going through.  Not knowing is like swimming blind.  You can do it, but it's much more effective if you can see where you are headed and are able to navigate.

 

 

 

 

My heart did break... It broke because when my children hurt, so do I. 

 

 

" I teach my children a lot of things, one thing I have always made sure of is that when they were little and as they grew up I danced in the rain with them.  Just crazy dancing whether it was day or night. 

 

 

" Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain. "

 

 

 

So, Dance in the RAIN... Free your mind, spirit and emotions...  Listen to your children and never ever forget that our journey here may be stormy, but it passes so you might as well dance...