PROGRESS.... WHAT?

 

" There is always room for improvement, it's the biggest room in the house " - Louise Heath Lebar

 

 

 

Sitting on the heels of yet another date that is going to take my emotions hostage.  I have contemplated just simply locking myself in my bedroom on Friday and not doing anything.  Not thinking, not feeling, not seeing anyone, not being... But, bottom line, Friday will come and go and the world will not stop spinning because of May 24th...  I, however, reflecting on past years will have to find the progress in this as well..  I am not sure how to grow through all of this... I just simply continue to take it one moment at a time.  Sometimes, even down to getting through the next five minutes. 

 

 

I have discovered that being a single mom sucks.  I never imagined myself as a single mom.  My kids have always had hands on parents.  Mom and Dad...  This whole reality of not having their dad is so traumatic.  They are actually doing pretty well.  It's me, wondering if I am going to give them everything that two parents could have given them.  My older boys, they struggle in their own way.  They communicate their loss and we work through it.  Nick having Autism, and his struggle in communicating appropriately just sets the bar so high to help him accomplish working through all of this.  Noland, he just tries to protect my heart...Noland struggles and misses his daddy so much but he uses his " shell phone " to call his daddy and talks to him.  It warms my heart to see how he has developed a coping mechanism to get through this. 

 

 

We are growing stronger as a family and that is what matters.  We are trying to find that new normal that everyone has told us we have to get to.  I believe " everybody " it's just a challenge. 

 

 

I am going to live, play, and love with all my heart... I am who I am... Which by the way, I am discovering " Michelle " right now.  Verdict is still out on that one...  I do know that I have no filter any more... Whatever I think, I say...

 

 

Looking forward to my next trip to Georgia in June... Got lots of fun things planned and looking forward to seeing my family and my sweet girlies... Mini Me and Squishy...  Love them to pieces. So, for now, I am progressing... Learning lots of new things about me, my kiddies and the world.  I am tough, I will survive, and I will be better because of it... Jeff left me with some amazing gifts.  Loving unconditionally, challenging myself, having a moral compass, and most of all kindness...  So, I will continue on this journey and hopefully continue to make him proud and be the best I can be for my kids... Grown and small...  Love, Peace and Sandy Toes...