I have a determined nature about me. Always have, always will. It is probably the one make-up of ME that has not changed since birth. We all experience transitions in life that change us from one extreme to the other... I have always been head strong, bull headed, and I believe in what is right and have no second guesses about what I consider wrong... I would absolutely challenge anyone to say to me they are going to " LET ME " do anything... It actually makes the wheels in my head start squealing and it is as if I can hear nothing, see nothing, except for that task that I have been told I was going to be allowed to do... It is sometimes a character defect and sometimes an asset.. More on the defect side probably.... However, with that being said.... I also believe it is how I have conquered more than my fair share of trials in life.
Having RA, sometimes makes me feel like the disease " let's me " do things and then sometimes it prohibits me from doing things. Things that I used to not have to ask for help with. Example: Opening a bottle of water. Most days I can accomplish this... Then there are the days that I can not. I struggle with those days and will almost do without than have to ask for help.. Silly I know... I am determined that the disease will never dictate my life to me... Stress is a huge trigger in flares from RA... I try and eliminate as much stress from my life as possible. That is damn near impossible. I try and I do believe in simplicity... As long as it's MY way... ha ha ha ha ( some of you are not laughing right now because you know that side of me ) ;)
We have had quite the year... I am not bitter, this year has been rough... I am grateful for the family and friends that have rallied around us and been our cheerleaders and support. We have made it and there were days that I was not so sure about. This is where that bull headed-ness shows up and helps !!! We have learned so much about our selves individually and as a family in the last year. We have experienced a lot of really painful days where we held each other and barely survived and we have discovered that we are OK and had really good days and discovered we are Happy... We smile and laugh and know that we have to. I will not sit here and waller and wonder why I am unhappy. I have to make the choice to " get up, show up, and live " It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Grief will wipe you out in one swift movement if you are not careful. It will take away your will to live, love and be loved. For me, that almost happened. For my widow sisters and brothers, it all sucks... It sucks bad... But we have the responsibility to continue on in life and live it !!! Our loves would tell us this I believe whole heartedly...
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The kids really enjoyed the Holiday... We have had a very Merry Christmas... Lots of smiles and giggles and a house full of idle chatter and squeals and good food... It was Awesome !!! We have a new addition to our little family too. He is tiny and cute as all get out... His name is Trigger. He is falling in love with us I am sure. I know we are all falling in love with him and even Max is tolerating him too... Reminds me of the days when we had to get up all hours of the night and feed and change diapers.. Except we have to walk outside in the middle of the night and take Trigger to go "potty" I do not mind at all. Knowing that that little puppy makes the kids smile so much is all worth it... He is super cute !!!
We had my dad and Felicia here Christmas Morning, and Josh and the girls that afternoon and the day after Christmas we had my sister, Isaac, and my nieces here and then my Brownie and Hannah came into to town too. Lots of Festivities going on for several days. Love Love Love It !!!
Here's to the beginning of a new year, right around the corner... I hope you all have a moment to reflect on the last year and find the positive. I have the gift of Love and the lessons from this last year to carry with me into the new year. Lots of awesome memories made, and many, many, many, more to make. THIS IS OUR NEW NORMAL...
Josh, Thank you for being you. For loving us unconditionally through the chaos and always being there for us. It means the world to me and my boys and I hope we are always there for you. I love your girlie's and I am so looking forward to the journey ahead of us... Loves ya baby !!!
And with that, " its a wrap JACK " See ya 2013 !!!!
Live, Laugh and Love !!!
Love the one your with, never ever take time for granted, Life is short.
MWAH !!!
Michelle and the Gang of H's
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