What a zoo CREW ??????  !!!! Fun Times.....

 

Woke up this morning remembering some really fun times.  Lots of Rides, Fellowshipping, Cook Outs, Camping trips, Vacations, BACA Rodeo's, Friends, Family and just good memories.  I can not tell you when the last time I actually woke up having happy feelings.  Not sure where these came from, it seems as though they have been vaulted with some secret encrypted code that I have not been able to decode for some time now.  Some of you may not recognize Jeff in this picture, he's the big dude in the very back.  The dude center in the picture right behind Helen is our buddy, brother and friend Jeff too.  Jeff and Jeff are both in Heaven, tearing it up I am sure.  Riding the sky and watching over us all.  We had so much fun.  It saddens me to type the word " had " fun.  I am determined to " have " fun...  I know that is what he would want for us.  So, we shall seek FUN...  Can any of ya'll remember Jeff not having FUN, no matter what he was doing...  ?  I can't. !!!

 

 

 

I truly believe that you have to be present in mind, body and spirit to accomplish anything in life.  I have tried through this process to just be present in mind and body.  Spiritually being present means allowing things to affect me in a manner I have no control over.  I have to change that.  I am allowing myself to spiritually feel.  I think this is part of this process that I will gain the most insight from.  I learn so much from my widda sisters and brothers about healing and moving through the grief and allowing things to just happen in the manner they are supposed to but we are all so hell bent on controlling everything in our lives that sometimes the need to control the circumstance outweighs the ability to just let it be.  I still want him to come walking through that door at the top of his lungs singing " I DON"T NEED< A WHOLE LOTS OF MONEY..."  and the kids always sang back to him, " I don't need a big fine car ".... Then he would hug me and sing " I got everything that a man could want, I got more than I could ask for " and that is truly how he felt.  I know he loved me with his whole heart, mind, body and soul.  He adored me and loved me when I was ugly, sick and sometimes hard to live with... ( those were rare, no really they were..... ok, no really... !!! ) I loved him back just the same.  I miss him terribly and hear him in the wind, feel him around me at the Beach and see what we instilled in our kids because of him...

 

 

This is where you would always find Jeff and the boys... Everyday almost, even in the rain.  So, the other day we were headed to the Bay for the boys to play and Noland said, " I think I feel daddy smiling today "  I said " why?" He said " Cause you are smiling today mommy... "  So, yes I smiled !!! It felt good and I plan on smiling more and more !!! 

 

Love and Hugs to you All.

 

Love , Michelle and the Gang of H's