Hey everyone... I have missed you all... I put blogging on the backburner for a bit. It got extremely crazy in my little world and I have had a rough couple of months. You all are about to know what we have been up to. Life got crazy... We moved to Freeport. We were so happy. We finally were able to see the girls everyday and all the kids were in the same school district. Life was amazing. The place we had rented was not in great shape, but I can see past a lot of things and saw that it was just a mess and needed cleaning up. Houses do not come up for rent in Freeport that often, so I felt like we had to jump on this and we could make it work. The boys were truly enjoying life... Football had started and the Maddy was cheering. I was cheer coach and getting really involved. Malaya was working hard in Middle School and she was placed in all advanced classes. I could not be more proud... Then... we got some weird vibes from the lady we had rented from. She was asking for the rent before it was due and telling me that the problems we had with the place that she was responsible to fix would not be fixed until we paid rent. I explained that I could live without a lot of things but not having a stove for seven people was damn near impossible and I would pay rent when she fixed it. Keep in mind, it was not even due yet.... She started threatening me with 3 day eviction notices.. etc. I did a little research and found the REAL OWNER. He was in PA. I sent him the rent check and a letter. He contacted me and we worked everything out. Found out that the place we had rented was not the actual home he had up for rent. It was HER house. The house she lived in and made a huge mess of and we had cleaned it all up for her and she had moved into the nice clean home that was actually for rent/ with all that being said. We decided to stay. We had made it home and the kids were happy. We were adjusting to some sinus issues we thought with all the kids. They all had headaches, stomach aches.... it went on and on. We decided to make some repairs that we had discussed with the owner that involved sheetrock. We pulled it down and behind it was black mold. We contacted him and he said he would be right down and make repairs. Upon further investigation, we found that one half of the entire house was consumed with black mold. Needless to say, we had to vacate that afternoon. My immune system is compromised and I could not chance myself or the kids getting sick from the mold. It turned into a huge mess and we lost a lot of material things that could not be saved. It took them over a week to get rid of the mold and make repairs. In the meantime, we had an amazing friend who had a property that we were able to work out a forever deal with and own it in about 10 years in Fountain FL. It's a long ways from the girls and the boys are back in BAY county but the house is amazing and we have almost an acre and we never have to move again. Blessed !!

I have been struggling with my disease. It seems to consume most of my thoughts and energy lately. I look at this picture of me in the wheelchair and I never ever want to be her again. I strive everyday to keep moving. I try to do more today than I did yesterday. I just feel beat down and I do not ever want to be a burden on anyone. I feel pain on a level daily and hourly that the average human being could not begin to bear. I try and mask it, I try and make it mind over matter, but damn everyone has a breaking point. I am used to taking my treatment and being down for 24 hrs and then rocking on... Since January I have been struggling. We have changed my treatment plan 3 times, we have changed pain medications that just made me sick... I cry myself to sleep every night. I struggle to walk for hours when I awake. I sometimes think if I could just feel a different pain then I could be ok for another day... I try very hard not to act on those behaviors. I was diagnosed with Sjargen's Syndrome another auto immune disorder that affects the eyes and also contributes to joint pain and fatigue, as if I did not already have enough of that already... Today I met with the Rheumy Dr. I have ran out of medications. I have done them all. I have nowhere to go as of right now. I am agreeing to continue the treatment I am on for now, or at least for the next 8 weeks. The dr. says that it takes a while to respond. I am trying to keep an open mind... I have been told I am stubborn, that I am not the Dr. I get all that. I do. However, at the end of the day it's my body and my future that is at stake. I am not in that damn wheelchair anymore because I did n't settle when they told me at Emory that they couldn't do anything else for me. What if I had just said, ok... Id still be in that chair. I will not go back to that. Today I claim that there is an answer and I claim that I will find it.

I will figure this out... I can assure you of that. I have not come this far to just sit down and be DONE...

These are my heartbeats... They are why I get up and function everyday... Why my eyes open... I love them to pieces !!! Until next time... WE are surviving and thriving... Hoping for some more good news to be revealed. From the Gang of H's and the Ptak's Josh and Michelle