Writing is a way of releasing what we feel, how we feel it, and for me, it allows me to compartmentalize my feelings and organize what and how I need to react.
It is no secret to those close to us that we have had some issues this week with our Nicky. It started somewhat over the weekend. I noticed him talking super fast, not sleeping, and not eating a whole lot. Nicky eats... if he does not do anything else, he eats. I should have been clued in but life is happening all around us and we sometimes lose sight of what is happening right in front of our faces. Using the expression " Can not see the forest for the trees "
Monday it really kicked in. He had some behaviors at school... We had a long talk with him. A report was sent home... Tuesday it was the same thing all over again, just amplified.. These behaviors teetered on Mania. Confirmed as Mania on Wednesday. He ran from me into a Hwy. He ran from me at the Psychiatrist Office. I did not know where to go, so I went to the only safe place I could think of going. His therapist. He witnessed him beating his head, crawling on the floor, it has been so hard to watch my child decline in such a manner that resembled a rabid animal. I loved on him, I begged him to stop his behavior because at some point I have no way to protect him from the laws that explain that he is a danger to himself. I need to keep him from hurting himself.
I was in a room full of people who care for him and myself. We are not strangers... So, Wednesday I begged his psych dr to please let me take him home with the hopes of rearranging his meds would be the key. I promised to have Nick at the office this morning at 7:30 a.m.
We arrived at the office and Nick took off. I got him back into the therapy center and he ran 2 more times. Once we went back to see the Dr. he already had the paperwork done for Nick to be Baker Acted. ( Basically, involuntary admission to a mental facility )
Nick was taken by a Sheriffs patrol car in the back seat to the Mental Health Hospital. I met the sheriff there. We began the intake process. One of the hardest things I have had to do with Nick. He had no idea at that point that he was going to be staying without me. Once that was revealed to him he began to cry and cry and cry... I held him and promised him this was to help him. We endured 4 hours of this turmoil and emotion.
Then the psychiatric visit to evaluate began. We were told at that point that they could not take Nick as a patient because of him having Autism. They could not care for him. They resented the Baker Act and sent me back to our Psych Dr.
I was told the Medical Director, the psychiatrist and others were going to staff Nick's case in the a.m So we shall see. As of right now, we are making the med adjustments and encouraging Nicky with positive rewards for positive behavior.
This has been a very long week. I have not felt Strong, I have felt defeated. I have felt like I am carrying so much on my shoulders that I can not eat, sleep or function. However, I keep getting up and continuing the fight... My boxing gloves go on just after my lip gloss. Sometimes I do not think I am the right person to fight, then I put down my toothpick and pick up my sword.
I know we have lots of support... I am eternally grateful for my hubby and my little heartbeats that help us steer through the rough waters... Once we get to the other side, and we ALWAYS get to the other side it is smooth sailing and a lot of grateful hearts. Please keep us in your thoughts as we navigate through these rough waters... From our Family to yours... Always be kind... Love the one your with and always say I LOVE YOU !!
The gang of H"s and the Ptaks... MWAH
