It begins now a new chapter in our ever changing, forever finding this new normal..... We have crossed over into a new journey... Full of excitement, new beginnings, and lots and lots of new memories....
Jeff passing away left me with a multitude of feelings. Will I ever have the life I had before? Will missing him ever lessen at all? Will I be ok? How will I do this without him? Where will the strength come from? Amazingly you already know the answers to these questions. The quote I have been pondering is " It gets hard with everybody calling you brave when you've never been so scared in your life." I had cancer and I knew I would kick it's ass. It did not stand a chance. I had everything in my corner, support, emotional stability, my cheerleaders and my children... Today, Bravery seems to be the hardest of all the things I have acquired to actually " get " if you will.
People tell me all the time, meaning no harm, " You are so brave, how do you do this ? " I have no idea. Except I am not brave. I am scared !!! Fear that has never ever reared its head in my entire life has somehow shown up and stood full frontal daring me to shake it down, while all along the fear I have shakes my inner soul. So, what do you do? You take back a couple of steps and decide what part of that fear you will tackle at that moment. You can not tackle it all at one time. Pieces at a time, that is the only way to successfully get through that moment. Those of you that know me, know I am always looking for something to " tackle " so that's what I do... I ram it !! Take it to the floor, master it, decide I will not succumb to it and I win !!!
Our last picture at the condo. Bittersweet, Love where we are, but hated to leave such good people that have showed up and helped me over and over again. I love my LTW misfits. Did I mention I was named Queen Misfit? oh yea !!!
My boys are loving the bonfires and grilling. They had their first day at School yesterday and LOVED it !! Made friends, very positive day... So glad for them !!!
Well, it seems Jeff is getting around. Here is my sweet friend and brother Kenny P. He went to Key west and brought his wing man with him in his saddle bags... Jeff would have not had that any other way... Finally got down there after all these years. I know he was thrilled. Kenny, thank you. You know he would not have had that any other way and he's always with you... Just like here !!!
Thank you too, again... You make me giggle and laugh and just make it ok sometimes when it feels like it's never going to be ok again. You are there for me a lot. Hope I can always be there for you too. Love you much !!!
So, from our house in the boonies to yours, love the one you are with.... Life is short, LIVE it... never ever take anyone for granted and always say I love you !!!
Love, Michelle and the Gang of H's
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