Blog, Blog, Blog..... I have had some time on my hands for the past couple of days since I had to have my appendix removed via emergency surgery on Monday morning to think. This is a dangerous space for my head to get in. I " think " enough for several people... Those close to me will vouch for this. I went to the Hospital Sunday evening after hours of Justin and my dad trying to convince me that something was wrong. I knew it, I just did not want to deal with it. I had some very important things taking place and did not want to actually face what I knew was about to happen.
I caved and away we went. My dad stayed here at the house with the kids and Justin rushed me to the ER. Within an hour of being at the hospital they had me admitted, x rayed, ct scanned, lab work and a surgeon consulted. There was fear of rupture, which I later learned is pretty serious. I was just grateful that they had been able to give me something to help with the pain and it had subsided just a bit so I could breath and carry on a simple conversation. Did I mention that I was scared to death? Well, I was... Terrified... I lost a couple of hours here and there from blurred memories, sign this, IV's and waiting on the OR to open up. In fact, at one point, the Hospital had lost me and was not sure where I was. Scary thought huh? Successful removal of the appendix. YAY !!! Recovering slowly and moving on past this traumatic experience. I have to say that surrounding yourself with people that truly care about you is important. I make no reservations when it comes to matters of my friends and family and the people that live in my heart. I trust them. Thank Goodness. I remember laying there in pre op thinking... Jeff would be like " yep, she couldn't just have some stomach pain and then have it scheduled, ooohhh NNNOOOOOO... she has to come in like a bull in a china shop all EMERGENCY and such to have it removed " I giggled.
My friend Kristina found me, she had no idea where I was, but it did not stop her. When I came to she was there. My dad and Felicia just took control of the boys and made it work. Justin was cheerleader, and director of the production and made sure that I was taken care of. My mom and Pops in GA and my family and friends there checked in and did everything they could from where they were to make sure everything was going as planned. Josh flew in to PCB, got in his car and was there when I woke up, which is what he promised. I am so fortunate to have people in my life today who are present and ready and willing to step it up when it is time. I am eternally grateful that you all were there and that it is over... :)
I have slept a good bit, hurt a great deal and am healing... Black and blue and swollen still, but that will go away... I was looking at the bruises today and thinking how horrific they look, but that in order to get to the other side of this appendicitis, it is what the process looks like. I imagined for a minute that we all look bruised, black and blue at times in our lives, going through processes to get to the other side. The bruises fade and where there was something ugly, most of the time, there is never ever a hint that something traumatic or ugly existed in the first place. A clean slate, a new beginning... My word Attraversiamo... That is what I believe has been happening in our lives. The bruises are beginning to fade, the horrific, traumatic experience is in the process of healing. Does is void that is existed because the eye can not see the black and blue bruise anymore? HELL NO... It definitely existed and it was there and it hurt when you touched it, or even got close to it. Does it mean that its easier to go through the journey of losing a spouse, my children their father ? No, it means it gets different... It means that you remember what that person meant to you, the lessons they left you hear with, the memories that no one can rob you of... No matter if you can see it or not.
Ran across this pic this evening going through some photos... Ready to put my knees in the wind soon... Have a little work to do to the bike and then it's on...
This blog was pretty much about ME... The good the bad and the ugly parts of me that I reveal to you. It's actually for ME, for my growth through this journey. I write, so being able to go back and read blogs is therapeutic and shows me where I am growing and what I need to work on. Josh is a blessing in our lives and so far, we both have been there for each other on several occasions that were not so pretty and some true colors have shown... I Love ya and thank you for stepping up and being there when I know it is not an easy circumstance sometimes. I am not saying that I agree that I am a horrible patient, I am just saying if that 8 yr old inner self of me shows her butt again, she should get TIME OUT !!!!
Much love and hugs !!
Love the one your with... Hug longer always say I love you and never ever hurt people. Be kind it's really very simple.....
The Gang of H's
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